British Whale

Imagine if Carry On England, rather than being set in an Army base (and one of the weakest of the series) had been set at the 1974 World Cup. It could have followed the England team - managed by Jack Douglas, star centre-forward Jim Dale - to the final, where they would beat a West German side managed by Kenneth Williams. Along the way there would be all manner of scrapes, misunderstanding and saucy run-ins, featuring the FA 'support team' (a group of sexy secretaries managed by Sid James), the 'representative' fans (Joan Sims and Charles Hawtrey) and various opposition players from across the world (all played by Bernard Bresslaw). It could have been BRILLIANT!

Anyway the reason for all this conjecture is that the (better than it should be) Justin Hawkins world cup tie-in song England sounds like it could have been the theme tune to just such a film. It's the best World Cup single i've heard so far, although obviously that's really not saying much, and I haven't yet heard Bez or the Crazy Frog, both of which will surely be magnificent.